i wanna be alone?? do i??

is there an explanation?? it feels like hell being alone all the time... it hurts me everytime... but when im not single... i was eager to get single as soon as possible... then im single... i was eager to get into a relationship... but i want the one i love...not just he likes me and i accept... i want both of us to like each other then start a relationship... i rejected many... i was the heartbreaker all the time... but i need a change... i want to understand the feeling of getting hurt... i had came across many hurtful experiences... but i had never experienced the feeling of getting dumped by the one i love... i just know how it feels... but i never experience it ever before....i knw u might be thinking...what a mad girl... but i am tired of dumping guys.... i have the feeling that im the one who failed to succeed the relationship..... this sucks.... i dont like it... and i believe nobody does.... im really sure... if he isnt into me... i might as well let go...but the problem is i cant..... i need help... big helps and big hugs..... cherylyn... i nid ur sisterly hug